You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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