I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
