I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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