Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
