I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
