dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she peed on how many people?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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