Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
