Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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