dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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