cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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