I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
