false alarm. still invincible.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
