Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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