it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
