Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
