I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My life is pants optional.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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