what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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