I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
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Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
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Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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