he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize