Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
