..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
