Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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