we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
