hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
