I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
