no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
