he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
