it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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