I can tuck mytits in my pants
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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