He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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