I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
