Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
