i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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