hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.