i think i have herpe
just one?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
