After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dating After Heartbreak
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.