put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i need some magic done to my vagina
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
