Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.

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(216): View more from Ohio

Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know

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(407): View more from Florida

Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.

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(619): View more from California

It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(480): View more from Arizona

I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.

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(613): View more from Ontario

What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.

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