The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
