there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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