you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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