Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
