You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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