I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
