It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
