i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
