im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
