TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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