he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
