Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i need to put some appletini on your dick
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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