Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
