brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
