Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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