This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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