Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
