girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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