I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
