i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
