So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
