Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
