You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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