if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
being pregnant is like rehab
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
