I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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