I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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