True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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