Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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