my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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