How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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