You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
