Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
