using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
