Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
