after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
