just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
