it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
either way he was missing a nipple.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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