Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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